3.19.2005

Old Friends

So I was reading Stephanie's blog and wound up checking out another blogger... I had never read this particular blogger before, but I will read everyone's at least once. Anyway, she went on to describe a good male friend that she had. I won't get into it, you can read it...but it really moved me to thought about my own life. Not too long after I joined the Air Force, I was going to the shoppette on base to get something. On the way out, a payphone adjoining the building rang..once...twice....three times. No one was answering it. I kept walking, but I thought maybe someone needed help, or was looking for someone, who knows...Anyway, so I answered it. The voice on the other end was of a girl who asked who this was. Garrad I said, and asked if she knew she dialed a payphone. OK, so I could ramble on forever, but the jist is that she had called this phone knowing that it was on the Air Force base and a friend said it was a good way to meet Air Force guys. Well, to her credit, it worked. Very original I have to say. I normally would have hung up and thought her to be crazy, but I was new there and had few friends, and you can never know too few girls...So, over the next few years, our friendship grew, but people never understood why we were just friends...she was cute, we got along great, all the great things you'd want in a girl...but, she was just a friend...my best friend. We shared everything; stories, dinner, movies, emotions, there were no secrets, ever. She would set me up with her friends or coworkers, it wouldn't work and we'd laugh about it later, it was great. While working part time at Chili's, I met a wonderful girl. She was great (for the record, she still is great, just not my wife anymore...). We had a great time together, laughed, cried, it was great and she was "the one"...I was smitten. As we got serious, she expressed concern with my friendship with M (name omitted to protect the innocent, of course!) and her sister M2, which I had grown close too as well. This concern was of serious nature to my soon-to-be wife and she insisted that I sever all ties with my "girl friends". I was very hesitant and wasn't very happy with the choice I had been given. Well, in the name of love, I did what she wanted and told M and M2 what the deal was and of course they were shocked...and hurt. As time went on, I talked to them less and less, and eventually stopped talking to them all together. M got married and had a baby. She would call, send cards, even Christmas gifts. I ignored them. All of them. No thank you cards, no returned calls. I had become that person...I was and am ashamed. As my marriage began to fail, my wife had met a good friend through some of our joint friends, it happened to be a guy. Wow....yeah, I wasn't too happy about that. It wasn't that she had a friend that happened to be a guy, it was that I was expected to shed myself of all ties with girls, but for my wife, the rule didn't apply. I expressed my dismay in counseling, and she conceded that what she had done was wrong. She said I should call her...see how she was....I guess it was OK now, huh? Well, I didn't, I felt like it wasn't in the best interest of our marriage. Well, now we are divorced, and I would do anything to talk, cry and hug my old long lost friend. I wonder how she is, living in Colorado, hopefully happy in life....she deserves it. I cast away the best friend I have ever had... no one I have met since can fill the void she left when I tossed her to the curb. M, if you happen across this, I am sorry....I have always and will always love you...I will never forgive myself for what I did to you...So folks, I don't know if there is a moral to this story, but I felt the need to share, and hacking it out on the keyboard helps with the pain...well, OK, not really.

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